FELTTT im in a point of my life where i prefer involving potentials in a group setting also to see how they socially function. thank you for writing this btw! carry on✨
That’s the best way to approach it honestly. I haven’t started looking again but when I do inshallah I will make it a group thing. Best of luck to you too sis x
“I have to point out that under neoliberalism, personal relationships are affected by market influences, whereby we’re considered autonomous, self-defining individuals who take care of ourselves and are less reliant on state support.” Very interesting point.
I’d go a step further and say we’ve all become market commodities.
Rather than looking at suitors holistically and with a generous eye as human beings with potential and inherent value, we ask what “value” such-and-such suitor might bring to our lives. We ask whether they check all the boxes for the specific traits, profession, height and age range our future spouse must have.
And while defining our own selves as constructed by our surface-level likes and dislikes (which themselves are gendered and manufactured mainly by marketing companies), we go ahead and label and dismiss suitors based on things like taste in movies, fashion sense, etc., without giving thought to their values and their character.
Further, love in a capitalist, neoliberal society is for two individuals only, whereas in Islam, romantic love is part of marriage, which is between families and communities. Marriage unites two families and two lineages, creating new relations and usually resulting in children. In Muslim and even non-Muslim but traditional societies, marriage is not solely a matter of personal likes and dislikes, but there are also individuals (parents and extended family) who want the marriage and relationship to be successful. Whereas current relationships are just based on vibes and temporary enjoyment, rather than whether they will last or whether there is trust or respect in the relationship.
Yes absolutely! You’ve summed it up perfectly. I think we’ve become a bit of an echo chamber where we’re all having the same experiences (because we’re all approaching it the same way) and having the same complaints - no wonder we’re so tired of it all. I think apps and modern attitudes to dating has eroded how it ought to be. Not sure how we go back. Thanks for the thoughtful message sis, and for taking the time to read
FELTTT im in a point of my life where i prefer involving potentials in a group setting also to see how they socially function. thank you for writing this btw! carry on✨
That’s the best way to approach it honestly. I haven’t started looking again but when I do inshallah I will make it a group thing. Best of luck to you too sis x
“I have to point out that under neoliberalism, personal relationships are affected by market influences, whereby we’re considered autonomous, self-defining individuals who take care of ourselves and are less reliant on state support.” Very interesting point.
I’d go a step further and say we’ve all become market commodities.
Rather than looking at suitors holistically and with a generous eye as human beings with potential and inherent value, we ask what “value” such-and-such suitor might bring to our lives. We ask whether they check all the boxes for the specific traits, profession, height and age range our future spouse must have.
And while defining our own selves as constructed by our surface-level likes and dislikes (which themselves are gendered and manufactured mainly by marketing companies), we go ahead and label and dismiss suitors based on things like taste in movies, fashion sense, etc., without giving thought to their values and their character.
Further, love in a capitalist, neoliberal society is for two individuals only, whereas in Islam, romantic love is part of marriage, which is between families and communities. Marriage unites two families and two lineages, creating new relations and usually resulting in children. In Muslim and even non-Muslim but traditional societies, marriage is not solely a matter of personal likes and dislikes, but there are also individuals (parents and extended family) who want the marriage and relationship to be successful. Whereas current relationships are just based on vibes and temporary enjoyment, rather than whether they will last or whether there is trust or respect in the relationship.
May Allah make it easy.
I’m with you that love needs a village.
Yes absolutely! You’ve summed it up perfectly. I think we’ve become a bit of an echo chamber where we’re all having the same experiences (because we’re all approaching it the same way) and having the same complaints - no wonder we’re so tired of it all. I think apps and modern attitudes to dating has eroded how it ought to be. Not sure how we go back. Thanks for the thoughtful message sis, and for taking the time to read